(By ALEXA HAVERLAH)
(Editor’s Note: Names of interviewees have been changed to protect their privacy.)
“Single?” asks the billboard off Stassney Lane and Congress Avenue, next to Reuben’s Liquor Store. “Date Leon!” it urges, followed by, “Apply at DateLeon.com.”
Leon, a white male with blond hair and blue eyes, age 24, motions to the message on his right with his thumb.
Is this what dating looks like during COVID-19?
In spite of the coronavirus, “People are not taking 2020 off from dating,” says Logan Ury, director of relationship science for the dating app Hinge. In fact, Match, which owns Tinder, Hinge, Match, and OKCupid, saw a 15% increase in new subscribers since March, according to Business Insider.
Given the pandemic, virtual dates are becoming more popular. Bumble, for example, experienced an almost 70% increase in video calls in the last week of April compared to the week ending March 13, when President Trump declared a national emergency, says Priti Joshi, Bumble’s vice president of strategy.
Micayla, 27, says she’s seen a lot of her friends go through a relationship status change this pandemic, either breaking up or getting engaged. Three of her friends got engaged in the same week.
“There’s nothing in the middle,” she says. “And I think everything is progressing so much faster for people who are seeking relationships right now.”
That’s not the case for Micayla herself. “I’m not looking into hooking up with anyone right now because it’s not safe. I’m already spending so much of my energy on work and trying to maintain my own mental health,” she says.
It’s a tale of two extremes: For those seeking a relationship, people are diving deep, fast. Then there are those whose dating lives are nonexistent, by choice.
Business as usual
“I don’t think that people have given up on love because of the pandemic.”
George, 31
George took a break from dating during the months of March, April and May, when most of the U.S. was under lockdown. But he says people are more adventurous now.
The biggest difference in dating now for George is the lack of activities he can do on dates. “I’ve found myself getting through a first, second, third date with someone and being like, crap. Now what?” he says. “Once you’re out of ideas, you have no choice but to decide whether you’re going to take it to the next level.”
So what did George do? He invited his date over for dinner at his place.
Normally, he says he probably would not have invited his date over to his apartment after only meeting her three times because the situation suggests intimacy. But, he says, “There’s only so many times you can go on a walk or go to the park.”
Christine, 25, has been seeing a guy she met on Hinge for a month and a half. They had a Zoom call for their first date before meeting in person for dinner at the Domain.
Although things are getting serious, Christine says she would like to be able to continue dating before deciding to be serious with one person. The pandemic makes getting to know new people nearly impossible, especially if she were to do it safely and keep her mask on, which makes it hard to get to know someone, she says.
“He wants to be in a relationship,” she says. “And I’m not sure yet because life is not normal. So I’m thinking, well maybe when life is normal again, I won’t want to be in a relationship.”
Ain’t nobody got time for that
“I’m not interested in dating right now because, aside from all the COVID-19 things, I’m in a different space where I don’t feel the need to have someone with whom to be romantic.”
Rebecca, 27
Rebecca’s first priority is getting a job. After being laid off, she is back home in Cincinnati, Ohio, living with her mom and younger sister.
Her second priority is herself and doing things that make her feel good, such as getting certified to be a yoga instructor. She’s also focusing on friends and family with whom she hasn’t been able to spend time in a while because she was living in Austin.
“After that, my plate is full,” Rebecca says. “Dating can wait.”
By and large, Micayla is not reaching out or pursuing anyone. She did go on a couple of hikes around Austin with a guy she met on Hinge after they spent two months talking every day.
However, if she wanted the relationship to move forward, by going indoors or becoming physical, she says she would need to have a conversation with her roommate and family. In effect, she would have to DTR, define the relationship.
If her roommate is uncomfortable with Micayla having a stranger over in their home, or her family is uncomfortable with expanding their circle, Micayla knows she would have to respect their wishes. All of it has her wondering if a relationship is even worth it right now.
Even with the rise of online dating due to the pandemic, the overwhelming preference — currently dating or not — remains meeting someone organically as opposed to online. For Rebecca, this preference has her feeling like she will not be dating for a very long time.
For others, the time to sit and think thanks to the pandemic has given them a feeling of why not? Says Christine, “I’ve really thought about myself and what I want and who I want to be, so that made me more excited and less scared to date.”
Ben, 24, who was not dating pre-pandemic and continues to not date, echoes a sentiment shared by many when he talks about how COVID-19 has put things into perspective for him about what is important.
“This kind of lesson that I’m learning right now might help me with dating in the future, as someone who doesn’t usually make the first move or reach out,” he says. “It could have an effect in that way of, hey, these opportunities don’t come around a lot.”
Perhaps the pandemic will make shy folks more inclined to approach someone that interests them in the future, once it’s safe to get within 6 feet of each other again. And maybe communication will improve, too.
Micayla feels communication falls to the wayside in general when it comes to dating, especially in the beginning, when you’re not saying everything you want to say.
“Literally all of Shakespeare’s plays are based on miscommunication,” she says. “Everything could be solved if you just talk to each other, and now that’s all we can do.”
